Dear Abby,
It is hard to find the words to describe how amazing it is to be your mom. But I will try.
We went to a holiday party tonight and you pulled yourself up to a standing position all by yourself. You knew this was a big first and you turned to find me. When we locked eyes you started beaming :) and my heart skipped a few beats and my chest filled up so much with happiness that I almost couldn't breathe. It's like our little secret. It's like sharing a knowing glance with an old dear friend from across the room. This is my life now. Celebrating your little firsts with you all day every day and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Your world is so small and yet so expansive. I love watching you explore your surroundings. Last week you learned how to wave. This week you are waving at all of the pictures in our house. You feel for my hands and pull yourself up dragging me and my poor aching back all around the house. One of your favorite stops is the bathroom...YOUR bathroom where you are inevitably looking for your bath toys but along the way will spot yourself in the mirror and can never resist so much as a smile...
That smile. The one that seemed to take forever to grace your lips but continues to melt my heart every.single.time.
Time. Stands still. And yet flies by. But mostly warps. The days melt into each other and before I know it months have gone by. You were my spring baby and now it is literally in a minute's time the winter solstice. How on earth did that happen?
You happen to be asleep on daddy's side of the bed right now. Your new favorite position is face down on our bed. And only our bed, definitely not your crib. The other night you were sound asleep and I thought I would try you in your crib again. I had just flipped your mattress over to the softer, "toddler" side and even made it with a snuggly chamois sheet from Pottery Barn to further entice you...but as soon as you so much as entered the crib vicinity you started stirring and when I laid you down you popped your bleary tired eyes open and darted them around to assess where you were. You saw the bars and your mobile and a look of sheer terror crossed your face with a wail to match. Your back no sooner touched down that I picked you back up.
"Up, up, up"...you definitely want to be up. From the moment you wake up in the morning -even if daddy and I are both still too tired to get you out of bed- you would much rather be sitting up in bed than laying down. Sitting up, or better yet, standing up is where it's at and that's where you want to be. One of your favorite places is your DJ booth (as Aunt Jul calls it) where you can stand all by yourself and spin the ABCs and the 123s like it's nobody's business.
You are a busy girl. From sunrise to sunset you are on the go. Except for after a bath. That is my favorite time with you these days. After a bath I wrap you in a big towel and carry you into your room. Before laying you down on your changing table (aka torture chamber) to dress you, we snuggle in the glider while you nurse. It doesn't matter if you just ate before your bath you always want to nurse as soon as you are out of the tub. And lately you prefer to nurse sitting up - with some breaks for waving and clapping of the hands of course. You especially like to wave at the turtle picture in your room. And you like to try to bite on the arm rests of the chair (I wish daddy had used some nontoxic nursery paint instead of spray paint!). But you always circle back to nursing. I ask "all done"? And you smack your head back into me to let me know that you most certainly are not.
You are not a fan of being spoon fed. You want that spoon. Even if it is to just grab the contents of it and smear it all over everything in your reach except for your mouth. You will decide and that is that. We've moved on beyond the purees and have been giving you bigger pieces of food. Today you had a latke that 4 people prepared for you...you dipped it in homemade apple sauce and tore it apart,"nom nom nom'ing" it until a thousand little slivers of potato covered you from head to toe.
Those toes. Grandma had to give you another bath but none of us minded that. Nothing better than a half naked baby barreling down the hall towards the bath. Unless of course that half naked baby is mine and happens to be covered in bits of potato and applesauce and holding my hands with sticky fingers with a steady stream of drool dribbling from those precious pink lips that you can't stop smacking as you get used to your 2 tiny new teeth...
As I said: this is my life now and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Reflecting on Abigail's Grand Entrance to this World...
And then we embarked on our biggest adventure yet...
We had a great dinner at my parents on Easter Sunday, April 20th. My mom made roasted chicken at my request- even though she was already making baked ziti for everyone else. (Being pregnant definitely had some perks!). Dinner was delicious...nothing like a home cooked meal...Afterwards we all opened our Easter baskets and gorged on Easter candy in the living room...mostly Cadbury mini eggs for me :) Brian got lots of dark chocolate goodies and a good time was had by all.
As one can imagine, by the end of the evening (being 38 weeks pregnant) my stomach was uncomfortably full...TUMS to the rescue, or so I thought. I laid semi-upright in bed when we got home for quite a while...long after Brian was snoring beside me. I even took an extra dose without it really letting up. Was this more than just heartburn? Baby G was squirming around as I shifted to get comfortable while reading on my iPhone about all the horrible complications of pre-eclampsia (which I had been recently diagnosed). I read about how sometimes the epigastric pain of pre-eclampsia could be misdiagnosed as heartburn. Brian rolled over in his sleep when I checked my blood pressure with the automatic cuff...140/85. A little elevated but not terrible. Sometimes being a hypochondriac can be downright exhausting!
My eyes were burning from staring at my phone. Finally I stopped googling and decided I really needed to get some sleep. I turned off my light and tried to get comfortable - which despite 2 body pillows - was quite a challenge these days. Of course it was when I finally started to drift off to sleep that I had my first contraction. In that moment I just thought it was an "unusually uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contraction"...after all, I'd been having those for weeks now. But then there was another one. And another. I decided I should start keeping track. I counted 6 more in the next hour. It was 5:15 AM. I started wondering if I should wake up Brian...? When a contraction was over I would question whether I really had one at all or whether it was just in my imagination?? I'd close my eyes and try to fall asleep and then a new (and even more uncomfortable) one would hit me...
I woke up Brian at 5:30 AM and we laid in bed together wondering if this could really be labor?At 6 AM we decided to call the doctor: "Pack a bag, take a shower if you want, don't run any red lights but start making your way here" he instructed. We were in luck- our OB ("Dr. Garrison*" who we'd only just met last week) was on-call today starting at 8AM. Brian and I started getting things ready...we took showers. He even made coffee. I packed the red travel bag my mom had given me for Christmas with lots of things I wouldn't use: a notebook (ha!), my own underwear (haha!), makeup (LOL). The contractions were becoming distracting now and I found myself taking an extra long time to get ready.
And just when I thought we were on our way, Brian made me pose for a selfie as we walked out the door:
I was happy to see that the tulips I planted in the fall were almost all in full bloom now...how symbolic :) The sky was clear and the air was crisp but warm enough to get away with my usual sweatshirt (a sherpa-lined one that was a gift from my brother). I was wearing my pregnancy uniform- a grey shirt and my black yoga pants. We got in the car and I switched on the heated seat straight away. Are we going to have a baby today???
On the way to the hospital we listened to the motivational playlist I had created on my phone with memorable tracks from our wedding, spin class and of course the Summer (was it 2011? 12?) classic "Call Me Maybe". Between contractions I found myself singing along (not all that surprising) and Brian even re-enacted the Call Me Maybe craze lip syncing and making calls on his pretend hand-turned-phone. It was a nice scenic drive to the hospital...tress lining the road with fresh new leaves and tight buds ready to bloom. The sky was a clear blue and the sun was shining brightly. We got caught up in the morning commute but didn't mind taking our time. We arrived at the hospital around 7:45 AM and followed another expectant couple inside...
We walked into the maternity unit just as our doctor was swiping in for her shift. She looked surprised but excited to see us (a week earlier than scheduled). They sent us to triage (the same room I was in for monitoring just last Thursday) and Violet, our nurse, seemed a little rough around the edges. She strapped me to the monitor while Brian and I filled her in about the overnight turn of events. Baby G's heart rate was strong in the 140-150s range. My contractions looked like little hills on the graph paper that continuously slid through the printer beside me. My blood pressure was a little high...150/90s. Brian was a little antsy and as usual making me laugh playing with all the equipment he could get his hands on :) Our doctor came in and examined me and found me to be 5 cm! She grabbed the ultrasound machine just to double check that Baby G was still breech and sure enough way up high on my belly were his or her little toes right up by -you guessed it- his or her sweet face..."Looks like you're going to have a baby today" she said..."When?", we asked..."how about, now?" she answered.
A flurry of activity ensued while Violet frantically ran around trying to "get everything done". A chart was generated for our baby (?!!!!), an IV was placed in my right wrist on the second try (ouch!) and they started pumping me up with a ridiculous amount of fluid...Lactated Ringers which Brian chimed in is usually reserved for trauma patients on the ambulance. Thanks babe, that helps! Blood was drawn, urine samples labeled and sent. I was shivering in the paper thin hospital gown, likely from all the cold fluid rushing through my veins. Brian made a few quick calls to let everyone know what was happening and then sprung into action beside me tapping away on his work computer to let his colleagues know he would be out of the office...
And then once everything was done and the deadly penicillin (which I am highly allergic to) re-ordered as clindamycin (thanks to Violet- maybe she wasn't so bad after all?), they led me down the corridor to the cold, sterile OR. All the memories of rushing to deliveries flooded my brain...all the emergency c-sections I've attended in the past. All those times I was not the patient. It felt weird being on the other side. I found it odd that I was walking to the OR...weren't they supposed to push me on a stretcher or something? It felt strangely anti-climatic. I questioned my choice in socks...thin, black ankle socks. What was I thinking? Brian was led to an adjacent waiting room as they brought me over to the narrow OR table and helped me climb up. Dr. Garrison held and rubbed my rounded shoulders and gently instructed me to look down while Arti (the anesthesiologist) got started on my spinal. I watched as soggy tears began to soak through Dr. Garrison's scrubs...she just kept reminding me to breathe and that I'd be meeting my baby soon...even though it wasn't the way I had planned. Her sincerity and compassion struck me and made me cry even more. She knew how much I had wanted a natural delivery and remembered us so clearly even though we had only just met last week. I felt like I had known her for years.
The nurses helped me lay on the table and started hooking me up to all sorts of electronics when we realized I still had my bra on...Dr. Garrison tried (unsuccessfully) to remove it and we all had a good laugh (that Brian and the neonatologist even heard in the next room!). It lightened the heavy, serious atmosphere of the OR. I felt pins and needles rising up from my feet to my hips, then back to my feet and then just felt heavy, weighted. Strange pressure sensations ensued as they began draping and scrubbing...is this what surrender feels like I wondered? Reflecting back on my Bikram yoga days...getting myself into a position that is so uncomfortable and just using my mind and breath to keep myself there. I guess this was a little different being chemically paralyzed and all, but still. Work with me here.
Brian joined me in his all-white "bunny" suit complete with hair cover and mask. As our eyes met I knew we were both thinking the same thing..."is this all really happening?!". He has a way. The tears welled up again. This was definitely going to be an emotional day! Right up there with our wedding day! He held and rubbed my left hand and spoke softly to me as they got started...
I remember feeling chest pain, heaviness, panicky. I kept asking Arti if it was normal. She kept trying to reassure me- even showed me my vital signs on the monitor so I would believe her. My oxygen saturation was perfect at 100%. Why did I feel so awful then? I was shaky, antsy and then all of a sudden there was our baby! They told Brian to stand up to see what we had...he hesitated for a moment and then proudly announced "We have a daughter!"....Really??? A GIRL?!
Seconds later we heard her blood curdling (!!!), ear-piercing (!) cry (that could really only be described as a shriek) that would become the background noise through the rest of my surgery...Brian and I exchanged relieved, yet worried looks (-thankfully her cry would come down a few octaves over the next few days). They quickly came around to show her to me and that moment is forever emblazoned in my mind. Her hands franticly reaching (reaching for me??), her bald(ish) head, her ruddy red skin, her eyes squeezed tightly shut in protest of the fluorescent lights, her wet and wide open mouth letting out the strongest, shrillest cry I think I ever heard! I reached out and touched her warm, damp skin and could hardly believe that she was here- she was real, she was OURS...and she was thankfully, healthy.
*Healthcare workers names have been altered for privacy
We had a great dinner at my parents on Easter Sunday, April 20th. My mom made roasted chicken at my request- even though she was already making baked ziti for everyone else. (Being pregnant definitely had some perks!). Dinner was delicious...nothing like a home cooked meal...Afterwards we all opened our Easter baskets and gorged on Easter candy in the living room...mostly Cadbury mini eggs for me :) Brian got lots of dark chocolate goodies and a good time was had by all.
As one can imagine, by the end of the evening (being 38 weeks pregnant) my stomach was uncomfortably full...TUMS to the rescue, or so I thought. I laid semi-upright in bed when we got home for quite a while...long after Brian was snoring beside me. I even took an extra dose without it really letting up. Was this more than just heartburn? Baby G was squirming around as I shifted to get comfortable while reading on my iPhone about all the horrible complications of pre-eclampsia (which I had been recently diagnosed). I read about how sometimes the epigastric pain of pre-eclampsia could be misdiagnosed as heartburn. Brian rolled over in his sleep when I checked my blood pressure with the automatic cuff...140/85. A little elevated but not terrible. Sometimes being a hypochondriac can be downright exhausting!
My eyes were burning from staring at my phone. Finally I stopped googling and decided I really needed to get some sleep. I turned off my light and tried to get comfortable - which despite 2 body pillows - was quite a challenge these days. Of course it was when I finally started to drift off to sleep that I had my first contraction. In that moment I just thought it was an "unusually uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contraction"...after all, I'd been having those for weeks now. But then there was another one. And another. I decided I should start keeping track. I counted 6 more in the next hour. It was 5:15 AM. I started wondering if I should wake up Brian...? When a contraction was over I would question whether I really had one at all or whether it was just in my imagination?? I'd close my eyes and try to fall asleep and then a new (and even more uncomfortable) one would hit me...
I woke up Brian at 5:30 AM and we laid in bed together wondering if this could really be labor?At 6 AM we decided to call the doctor: "Pack a bag, take a shower if you want, don't run any red lights but start making your way here" he instructed. We were in luck- our OB ("Dr. Garrison*" who we'd only just met last week) was on-call today starting at 8AM. Brian and I started getting things ready...we took showers. He even made coffee. I packed the red travel bag my mom had given me for Christmas with lots of things I wouldn't use: a notebook (ha!), my own underwear (haha!), makeup (LOL). The contractions were becoming distracting now and I found myself taking an extra long time to get ready.
And just when I thought we were on our way, Brian made me pose for a selfie as we walked out the door:
I was happy to see that the tulips I planted in the fall were almost all in full bloom now...how symbolic :) The sky was clear and the air was crisp but warm enough to get away with my usual sweatshirt (a sherpa-lined one that was a gift from my brother). I was wearing my pregnancy uniform- a grey shirt and my black yoga pants. We got in the car and I switched on the heated seat straight away. Are we going to have a baby today???
On the way to the hospital we listened to the motivational playlist I had created on my phone with memorable tracks from our wedding, spin class and of course the Summer (was it 2011? 12?) classic "Call Me Maybe". Between contractions I found myself singing along (not all that surprising) and Brian even re-enacted the Call Me Maybe craze lip syncing and making calls on his pretend hand-turned-phone. It was a nice scenic drive to the hospital...tress lining the road with fresh new leaves and tight buds ready to bloom. The sky was a clear blue and the sun was shining brightly. We got caught up in the morning commute but didn't mind taking our time. We arrived at the hospital around 7:45 AM and followed another expectant couple inside...
We walked into the maternity unit just as our doctor was swiping in for her shift. She looked surprised but excited to see us (a week earlier than scheduled). They sent us to triage (the same room I was in for monitoring just last Thursday) and Violet, our nurse, seemed a little rough around the edges. She strapped me to the monitor while Brian and I filled her in about the overnight turn of events. Baby G's heart rate was strong in the 140-150s range. My contractions looked like little hills on the graph paper that continuously slid through the printer beside me. My blood pressure was a little high...150/90s. Brian was a little antsy and as usual making me laugh playing with all the equipment he could get his hands on :) Our doctor came in and examined me and found me to be 5 cm! She grabbed the ultrasound machine just to double check that Baby G was still breech and sure enough way up high on my belly were his or her little toes right up by -you guessed it- his or her sweet face..."Looks like you're going to have a baby today" she said..."When?", we asked..."how about, now?" she answered.
A flurry of activity ensued while Violet frantically ran around trying to "get everything done". A chart was generated for our baby (?!!!!), an IV was placed in my right wrist on the second try (ouch!) and they started pumping me up with a ridiculous amount of fluid...Lactated Ringers which Brian chimed in is usually reserved for trauma patients on the ambulance. Thanks babe, that helps! Blood was drawn, urine samples labeled and sent. I was shivering in the paper thin hospital gown, likely from all the cold fluid rushing through my veins. Brian made a few quick calls to let everyone know what was happening and then sprung into action beside me tapping away on his work computer to let his colleagues know he would be out of the office...
And then once everything was done and the deadly penicillin (which I am highly allergic to) re-ordered as clindamycin (thanks to Violet- maybe she wasn't so bad after all?), they led me down the corridor to the cold, sterile OR. All the memories of rushing to deliveries flooded my brain...all the emergency c-sections I've attended in the past. All those times I was not the patient. It felt weird being on the other side. I found it odd that I was walking to the OR...weren't they supposed to push me on a stretcher or something? It felt strangely anti-climatic. I questioned my choice in socks...thin, black ankle socks. What was I thinking? Brian was led to an adjacent waiting room as they brought me over to the narrow OR table and helped me climb up. Dr. Garrison held and rubbed my rounded shoulders and gently instructed me to look down while Arti (the anesthesiologist) got started on my spinal. I watched as soggy tears began to soak through Dr. Garrison's scrubs...she just kept reminding me to breathe and that I'd be meeting my baby soon...even though it wasn't the way I had planned. Her sincerity and compassion struck me and made me cry even more. She knew how much I had wanted a natural delivery and remembered us so clearly even though we had only just met last week. I felt like I had known her for years.
The nurses helped me lay on the table and started hooking me up to all sorts of electronics when we realized I still had my bra on...Dr. Garrison tried (unsuccessfully) to remove it and we all had a good laugh (that Brian and the neonatologist even heard in the next room!). It lightened the heavy, serious atmosphere of the OR. I felt pins and needles rising up from my feet to my hips, then back to my feet and then just felt heavy, weighted. Strange pressure sensations ensued as they began draping and scrubbing...is this what surrender feels like I wondered? Reflecting back on my Bikram yoga days...getting myself into a position that is so uncomfortable and just using my mind and breath to keep myself there. I guess this was a little different being chemically paralyzed and all, but still. Work with me here.
Brian joined me in his all-white "bunny" suit complete with hair cover and mask. As our eyes met I knew we were both thinking the same thing..."is this all really happening?!". He has a way. The tears welled up again. This was definitely going to be an emotional day! Right up there with our wedding day! He held and rubbed my left hand and spoke softly to me as they got started...
I remember feeling chest pain, heaviness, panicky. I kept asking Arti if it was normal. She kept trying to reassure me- even showed me my vital signs on the monitor so I would believe her. My oxygen saturation was perfect at 100%. Why did I feel so awful then? I was shaky, antsy and then all of a sudden there was our baby! They told Brian to stand up to see what we had...he hesitated for a moment and then proudly announced "We have a daughter!"....Really??? A GIRL?!
Seconds later we heard her blood curdling (!!!), ear-piercing (!) cry (that could really only be described as a shriek) that would become the background noise through the rest of my surgery...Brian and I exchanged relieved, yet worried looks (-thankfully her cry would come down a few octaves over the next few days). They quickly came around to show her to me and that moment is forever emblazoned in my mind. Her hands franticly reaching (reaching for me??), her bald(ish) head, her ruddy red skin, her eyes squeezed tightly shut in protest of the fluorescent lights, her wet and wide open mouth letting out the strongest, shrillest cry I think I ever heard! I reached out and touched her warm, damp skin and could hardly believe that she was here- she was real, she was OURS...and she was thankfully, healthy.
Baby G screams at mommy:
Then at daddy:
and then finally settles down in my arms for our first family photo!
*Healthcare workers names have been altered for privacy
Friday, April 11, 2014
From Childbirth Education Classes to Bathing with Jellyfish...
As part of our original plans to have a natural and medication free labor and delivery we have attended our fair share of childbirth education classes. I think 8 classes in total. Between Hypnobirthing (a class my friend insisted was how she was able to get through natural childbirth) and the mandatory classes at the birth center I think we're as prepared as we will ever be to bring this little one home in a few weeks! Yesterday at our first appointment with the new doctor, Brian jokingly asked the woman at the check out window if our credits were transferable to the new practice. She didn't get it.
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The group classes at the birth center were where Brian really got to shine. The Breastfeeding class instructor jumbled her words at one point and accidentally said "now ladies, when your partner has to breastfeed your baby...I mean, bottle feed your babies..." and then she looked right at Brian (who had already claimed the title of class clown by this point) and said, "although YOU might just find a way". Brian absolutely couldn't resist and responded with, "Well, I do have nipples"...
He went on to redeem himself through class participation and kindly demonstrated for everyone the correct position for side-lying breastfeeding:
Our last class at the birth center was last night and was bittersweet. The class was full except for the 2 empty seats beside us. "Why doesn't anyone want to sit next to us?" Brian asked...I answered that they must smell the hospital on us after our official transfer of care from the birth center. The class was called "First Days at Home" and was basically all the discharge instructions for parents who were going home with their baby 6-12 hours after birth. Not totally relevant for us anymore but would still be good info to have in the hospital. The goal was to teach us all the warning signs and when you should call the birth center or your pediatrician. I looked around the room and wondered if other babies were breech and they just didn't know it yet? I looked at the different shapes of everyone's bellies and wondered if there were boys or girls in there and whether they knew? I wondered how many of these unsuspecting couples would end up in the hospital just like us...
I wasn't all that into this class, after all I could have taught it! I was really here for Brian. He took my confident attitude as a challenge and began to quiz me from the book..."how many wet diapers should a baby have on the first day". "One", I answered correctly. "Oh yeah, well how about after day 4 when your milk comes in?", "At that point 6-8 per day is considered normal", I again answered correctly. He really thought he was going to stump me with this one: "What should you get plenty of in the first 2 weeks after delivery?", "Rest" I replied and at that we both started laughing hysterically. Rest is definitely not anything we actually expect to get after having a new baby at home!
The class was worthwhile, even for us hospital-birthers. Most people acted totally uninterested or completely shocked by the graphic nature of the information presented. Many sat there looking at their cell phones instead of the instructor. I was annoyed for her...this was important info and they most certainly were going to be wishing they had paid more attention when they get home with that baby! We learned what the baby's poop will look like and how it changes over the first week of life- complete with photos. Among other pleasantries such as how to use a peri-bottle and why stocking up on stool softeners would be a good idea. I did learn some cool new things though...like why a baby should just get a gentle once-over kind of bath after delivery instead of having every last drop of amniotic fluid and vernix scrubbed off of them. The amniotic fluid on the baby's hands helps stimulate early breastfeeding...the baby uses the taste and smell of amniotic fluid on their hands to help them find their way to a similar smelling substance at the breast. Check out this cool research:
And then of course there was Hypnobirthing...which to be honest was a bit of a chore. We chose a Hypnobirthing instructor in the Northeast and attended classes in her home on Monday evenings. The private classes were 3 hours long and it was 45 minutes from home so it made for very long Mondays...especially in the dead of winter. We watched videos of hypnobirthing moms deliver their babies at home or in the hospital very easily and without any of the drama I am used to seeing in the hospital. The key to it all was getting yourself into a very relaxed state during labor and allowing your body to do what it was meant to do without allowing fear to take over and tense up all your muscles...thereby making your body work against you. We learned some hypnosis techniques and tricks and listened to the mp3s that came along with the course as we laid in bed. Brian would fall asleep about 30 seconds into the track but our instructor said it was ok because our subconscious minds would still absorb the information while we slept. Brian is still disappointed we didn't get the hypnosis pocket watch he assumed would be part of the class...
But speaking of those hypnosis tracks...the main one was called the "Rainbow Relaxation CD" which is most commonly associated with Hypnobirthing. I've been listening to this several times per week since January and have found it to be pretty relaxing. The track starts out with deep breathing exercises and then visualization of a rainbow. The narrator's soothing voice walks you through the rainbow's mist of every color...explaining how each color is associated with something to do with childbirth (i.e. your mind- to overcome anxiety, your voice- to speak up when you need something, your chest- controlling of breathing, your pelvis- letting your uterine muscle do it's work and relax all the muscles to let the baby move freely).
You're supposed to pick a "birthing color" that resonates with you so that when you are in labor you can think of this color and associate it with the deep hypnotic state you recall from listening to the CD. I kept having trouble picking a color...for some reason this simple idea had me stumped; that is until a couple weeks ago when we discovered Baby G was breech. Then orange suddenly spoke to me: "Your uterus vibrates to the color of orange..." I recall the woman with the British accent on the CD saying...she goes on to talks about how orange is soothing and relaxing and I felt like that was exactly what I needed my uterus to do so that Baby G would have enough room to turn around. There were so many reasons to pick orange. I'd been labeled as having an "irritable uterus" since 23 weeks of pregnancy when Braxton Hicks contractions first plagued me. Brian's favorite color seems to be orange (anyone recall those bright orange kippots from our wedding?). Besides, I've been addicted to oranges pretty much since the day I found out I was pregnant...squeezing fresh OJ has been almost a daily occurrence for me throughout this pregnancy. So the next time I was at the co-op I picked up this little gem-
It smelled heavenly and I thought what a perfect way to build on the "orange" concept and it's relaxing association. So yesterday when my poor irritable uterus kept contracting all day (probably because of that mean doctor trying unsuccessfully to turn Baby G the day before...) I decided to take a nice, hot, relaxing orange scented bath. I climbed in and turned on my hypnosis track. For the first 3 minutes it was pure bliss...and then I started to notice a stinging sensation on my left hip. I scratched the area and it seemed to worsen. That's when I noticed a similar sensation on my right shoulder as well. Weird, I thought. I tried to take some deep breaths and get back into the hypnosis CD...but started feeling the stinging spreading everywhere...back of legs, sides of my abdomen, shoulders...suddenly it occurred to me that I must be allergic to this crap! I jumped out of the tub to see huge bright red splotches ALL OVER MY BODY. But the sight of it (which was pretty bad) wasn't nearly as bad as the intense stinging sensation I felt pretty much from head to toe! I quickly drained the tub and jumped in the shower, determined to scrub every last drop of essential oil off of my body. The water only seemed to intensify the stinging. It reminded me of actually getting stung by jellyfish when Brian and I were on a trip to Nicaragua except this stinging sensation seemed to be lasting a whole lot longer! So much for that relaxing bath! I scrambled to find the number of a massage therapist I had seen a while back...if anyone knows about essential oils it would be her. I called the spa and they consulted with her on what I could do...she said to "remain calm" (sure- that's possible when you feel like you just jumped out of a bath filled with jellyfish!)...she went on to say that it's likely I have an allergy to citrus essential oils. (Hmm, you think?!) She encouraged me to "dry brush" my body (this option was not sounding particularly pleasant in my current state) and maybe take an oatmeal bath. I hung up with her and waited it out. Fortunately the stinging sensation resolved on it's own about 20 minutes later. But the association with panic will probably linger much longer. I guess orange won't be my soothing birth color after all.
Plan B
I just learned today of all days, that April is C-Section awareness month. Ironically, we scheduled ours for Baby G yesterday. We had originally planned a natural birth purposefully at a place where we felt a C-Section would be a very rare possibility. The Birth Center run entirely by nurses and midwives had a 30% transfer rate and a C-Section rate of somewhere around 10%...much lower than any nearby hospital. But most importantly they supported women in their desires to have a natural and medication free labor and birth and we were looking forward to that experience. Of all the fears and worries I had over the course of this pregnancy (and poor Brian can attest to almost all of them)...the one thing that never crossed my mind was the possibility that our baby wouldn't turn to be head down- as 97% of babies usually do by this time.
We've done all we could to try to get Baby G to turn but our baby seems to have other plans! Some have said that this is our first lesson in parenthood...where the only thing you can plan for for everything to be totally unpredictable. So here we are in the last few weeks of pregnancy having to change everything all around and find a new caregiver at such a late stage in the game. It wasn't what we wanted but we had to make a Plan B: transfer out of the birth center and find a doctor to deliver our baby. It was important to me that I could still have a natural hospital delivery in the off chance that Baby G does decide to make the rotation to head down before the big day so I took a recommendation from a friend at work. We met this new doctor yesterday and loved her. She works at a hospital where babies aren't routinely separated from their mothers -even after a C-Section- which was really important to us. She was also very sensitive to the fact that we had to transfer our care at such the last minute. She seems willing to do whatever she can to make our birth as close to what we had envisioned as possible- even though it will be in an OR instead of the comfy home like setting of the birth center. So we're starting to feel a little better about the situation now and I'm grateful to have had some time in advance to let it all sink in.
So unless Baby G has other plans (which at this point I certainly wouldn't be surprised about!) he or she is scheduled to make a grand entrance on April 28, 2014! As much as I hate to admit it, the planner in me finds it oddly soothing to have a date on the calendar.
It all brings me back to the common cliche: Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this really is just a first glimpse of parenthood for a ---let's be honest- pretty Type A couple? Maybe it's the universe's way of gently guiding us to deliver in a hospital instead of the birth center...? Maybe we'll never know. But one thing I do know is that Brian and I make a great team :) We'll make the best out of whatever situation is handed to us, and there is something overwhelmingly comforting in having each other to lean on...
We've done all we could to try to get Baby G to turn but our baby seems to have other plans! Some have said that this is our first lesson in parenthood...where the only thing you can plan for for everything to be totally unpredictable. So here we are in the last few weeks of pregnancy having to change everything all around and find a new caregiver at such a late stage in the game. It wasn't what we wanted but we had to make a Plan B: transfer out of the birth center and find a doctor to deliver our baby. It was important to me that I could still have a natural hospital delivery in the off chance that Baby G does decide to make the rotation to head down before the big day so I took a recommendation from a friend at work. We met this new doctor yesterday and loved her. She works at a hospital where babies aren't routinely separated from their mothers -even after a C-Section- which was really important to us. She was also very sensitive to the fact that we had to transfer our care at such the last minute. She seems willing to do whatever she can to make our birth as close to what we had envisioned as possible- even though it will be in an OR instead of the comfy home like setting of the birth center. So we're starting to feel a little better about the situation now and I'm grateful to have had some time in advance to let it all sink in.
So unless Baby G has other plans (which at this point I certainly wouldn't be surprised about!) he or she is scheduled to make a grand entrance on April 28, 2014! As much as I hate to admit it, the planner in me finds it oddly soothing to have a date on the calendar.
It all brings me back to the common cliche: Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this really is just a first glimpse of parenthood for a ---let's be honest- pretty Type A couple? Maybe it's the universe's way of gently guiding us to deliver in a hospital instead of the birth center...? Maybe we'll never know. But one thing I do know is that Brian and I make a great team :) We'll make the best out of whatever situation is handed to us, and there is something overwhelmingly comforting in having each other to lean on...
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Even the Doctor Can't Budge this Baby!
So I'm beginning to realize just how stubborn our future offspring is. I guess it's better we know now, right?
It has been 37 days since we learned that Baby G was breech (but who's counting??) and I have literally done everything I could possibly think of to get this baby to turn around...including at least 50 handstands in the pool over the past few days...
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I even tried a very intense 2 hour hypnosis session geared towards turning breech babies on Monday. At the hypnotist's suggestion I continued to listen to the session on repeat throughout the night because she said that my subconscious mind is still active when I'm asleep and the suggestions will continue to affect me even while I'm off in dreamland. Well, so far no luck.
Yesterday as a last resort I had Brian record the book we've been reading to the baby on my iPhone. I figured the baby is probably sick of my voice but might turn towards Brian's? I then played it at what I hoped was an annoyingly low volume really low down on my belly using the make shift "belly buds" my sister Jul made me for Christmas:
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After all this, Baby G is not only still hanging out in the same comfy spot, but even the doctor couldn't budge this little guy (or girl) today during my excruciatingly painful External Cephalic Version (ECV). Basically, the doctor tries to turn the baby with his hands on your belly. Sounds simple right? Despite the warnings from well-meaning friends I thought I could handle it. Boy was I wrong!
I might have been in a better state of mind if the "nurse" didn't infiltrate my IV upon insertion and then proceed to let at least 30cc flow into my forearm. I then had to ask her to change the IV tubing after I had watched in horror as she had taken off the cap and left it open to air and continued placing it on a variety of unsterile surfaces (including my lap, the counter) and then ultimately touched it with her bare hand (that in retrospect I'm not sure I saw her wash). She didn't seem to mind my request and not only fetched new tubing but also a new staff member (thankfully) to come place the IV...I guess at this point I was becoming a high maintenance patient. All went well with "nurse #2" until she removed the cap from the brand new (sterile) IV tubing with her teeth before connecting it to my arm. Seriously?!
During all this I was hooked up to the monitor around my belly to measure the baby's heart rate. Baby G looked good so they called the doctor in to discuss the procedure. Then the entire entourage (me, Brian, our doula Nicole, the doctor, nurse #1, nurse #2, the midwife and the ultrasound tech) walked across the hall to the ultrasound room. Nurse #1 then proceeded to administer what was supposed to be subcutaneous Brethene intramuscularly. I was seriously losing my confidence in this place by this point.
Ultrasound switched on and baby's head right where it is NOT supposed to be...my upper abdomen. The doctor waited for me to be "ready" (although looking back don't think I could have ever been ready for that!) and he began trying to manually turn the baby...I had heard it was painful. I had been advised to get an epidural. I had heard that people walked out of this procedure with bruises all over their body. But for some reason I didn't think it would be nearly as bad as everyone had said. Maybe because I watched this encouraging video on youtube.com which is definitely NOT how mine went down:
My procedure this morning was more like a scene straight out of the Exorcist. I think he got the baby to the sideways (transverse) position and that is when lost it and literally felt like my entire body would split in half and he had to stop. Baby just kept bouncing right back to where he or she had started...
Oh well. Now we have officially tried it all. Baby G is comfy and cozy right where he or she is and doesn't seem to be budging...at least not today anyway.
It has been 37 days since we learned that Baby G was breech (but who's counting??) and I have literally done everything I could possibly think of to get this baby to turn around...including at least 50 handstands in the pool over the past few days...
I even tried a very intense 2 hour hypnosis session geared towards turning breech babies on Monday. At the hypnotist's suggestion I continued to listen to the session on repeat throughout the night because she said that my subconscious mind is still active when I'm asleep and the suggestions will continue to affect me even while I'm off in dreamland. Well, so far no luck.
Yesterday as a last resort I had Brian record the book we've been reading to the baby on my iPhone. I figured the baby is probably sick of my voice but might turn towards Brian's? I then played it at what I hoped was an annoyingly low volume really low down on my belly using the make shift "belly buds" my sister Jul made me for Christmas:
After all this, Baby G is not only still hanging out in the same comfy spot, but even the doctor couldn't budge this little guy (or girl) today during my excruciatingly painful External Cephalic Version (ECV). Basically, the doctor tries to turn the baby with his hands on your belly. Sounds simple right? Despite the warnings from well-meaning friends I thought I could handle it. Boy was I wrong!
I might have been in a better state of mind if the "nurse" didn't infiltrate my IV upon insertion and then proceed to let at least 30cc flow into my forearm. I then had to ask her to change the IV tubing after I had watched in horror as she had taken off the cap and left it open to air and continued placing it on a variety of unsterile surfaces (including my lap, the counter) and then ultimately touched it with her bare hand (that in retrospect I'm not sure I saw her wash). She didn't seem to mind my request and not only fetched new tubing but also a new staff member (thankfully) to come place the IV...I guess at this point I was becoming a high maintenance patient. All went well with "nurse #2" until she removed the cap from the brand new (sterile) IV tubing with her teeth before connecting it to my arm. Seriously?!
During all this I was hooked up to the monitor around my belly to measure the baby's heart rate. Baby G looked good so they called the doctor in to discuss the procedure. Then the entire entourage (me, Brian, our doula Nicole, the doctor, nurse #1, nurse #2, the midwife and the ultrasound tech) walked across the hall to the ultrasound room. Nurse #1 then proceeded to administer what was supposed to be subcutaneous Brethene intramuscularly. I was seriously losing my confidence in this place by this point.
Ultrasound switched on and baby's head right where it is NOT supposed to be...my upper abdomen. The doctor waited for me to be "ready" (although looking back don't think I could have ever been ready for that!) and he began trying to manually turn the baby...I had heard it was painful. I had been advised to get an epidural. I had heard that people walked out of this procedure with bruises all over their body. But for some reason I didn't think it would be nearly as bad as everyone had said. Maybe because I watched this encouraging video on youtube.com which is definitely NOT how mine went down:
My procedure this morning was more like a scene straight out of the Exorcist. I think he got the baby to the sideways (transverse) position and that is when lost it and literally felt like my entire body would split in half and he had to stop. Baby just kept bouncing right back to where he or she had started...
Oh well. Now we have officially tried it all. Baby G is comfy and cozy right where he or she is and doesn't seem to be budging...at least not today anyway.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Spin Right Round Baby Right Round...
I was 32 weeks when we found out Baby G was breech. It came as a shock because the midwives had been saying the baby's head was down all along. Maybe they just didn't want to concern me...maybe they genuinely thought that the baby was head down? Who knows, maybe it was head down and then turned? But now here I was at 32 weeks laying on the ultrasound table in the dimly lit perinatal center with Brian by my side when the ultrasound tech proudly announced "and here is your baby's head" as the probe glided over my upper abdomen. I looked down at my belly and looked at the screen. Back at my belly and back at the screen. I said, "wait, that can't be right, my baby's head is down". "Nope, your baby is breech", she said with authority.
I didn't bother to get many more details than that because really we were there for more serious matters...I had some contractions and was spotting and dilating a little early so they had sent us there to make sure that the placenta and the cord looked good, which fortunately they did. It took a day or so for the breech-ness to really set in.
The midwife suggested "Moxibustion" so I consulted a family friend and acupuncturist for mugwort- a special kind of Chinese herb that has been known to turn breech babies when burned close to your pinky toes or acupuncture point UB67 (just on the edge of the pinky toe nails). She was kind enough to give me a treatment for free...not only that but she gave me acupuncture in the traditional sense with a needle too (ouch! that kinda hurt!). At the end of the session, she gave me the rest of the smokeless "moxa" stick to use at home. At first Brian and I had to do it together because I couldn't quite figure out how to hold the stick so close to my pinky toe (let's be honest it is a challenge to simply get socks on at this point!). But then I found a creative way to do it myself and stimulate both feet at once:
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I did this for 20 minutes at least once a day for 10 days. The baby moved around a lot every time I did it which I took as a good sign. Sometimes I would also listen to a hypnotherapy track on turning breech babies simultaneously. Surely, the combination of efforts would be better than just one method alone?
Despite this, day after day it still seemed that Baby G was not budging from that same comfy spot.
I also tried the infamous "breech tilt":
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The purpose of this exercise I'm told is to get the baby's presenting part (in case of a breech baby- the baby's bottom) to "float" again and then hopefully the baby will decide that there is a better position to be in. This exercise is supposed to be done 3 times per day for 20 minutes each time. They simply tell you to prop yourself up on an ironing board against a stable surface and lay on it upside down. Sounds pretty simple right? Oh so very wrong. They must have forgotten that they are suggesting this to PREGNANT women! The first time I tried it with supervision and still almost killed myself trying to get on the damn thing! And then just when I thought I was on it, I started sliding right down...Brian had to prop some pillows under my head before I was off the board entirely. And even still, once there, all I did was cling on it for dear life to prevent myself from sliding completely off of it. It was impossible to get in this position alone (although I did try it unsuccessfully) and with Brian and I working opposite shifts the past few weeks it was practically impossible to make it work. I added a cold pack on top of the baby's head because supposedly the baby will turn away from the cold...but this child must have Brian's DNA because he or she did not seem to move one inch! But 3 times per day? There is just not enough time in a day...
I'd been seeing a chiropractor for the Webster technique since I was around 23 weeks pregnant and having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions due to tight pelvic ligaments. The Webster technique is an adjustment of the pelvis that opens up the pelvis to promote optimal fetal positioning. I hadn't been religious about going until I realized the baby was breech. Last week, my regular chiropractor wasn't there so I saw his parents and they kindly let me borrow this inversion table to try at home:
It looks scary but actually it is so much safer than the ironing board thing. They helped me set it up appropriate for my height and there is a strap underneath that when tightened will only let you go back so far; in my case 30 degrees. I've had more success with this and have found that I can actually somewhat relax in this position (unlike holding onto the unstable ironing board). At best, I can get in it once a day...but baby still has yet to turn around.
So then I consulted a homeopath for the homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla which is well known in pregnancy for promoting optimal fetal positioning through relaxation and softening of the pelvis and uterus. Homeopathic remedies are medicines prepared by special pharmacies utilizing a careful process of dilution and succussion (vigorous shaking). The more dilute the dose, the more "potent" the remedy. Homeopathy dates back to Hippocrates, but became more popular when a German physician, Samuel Hahnemann, began experimenting on himself and volunteers and started writing some of the first textbooks on the subject. The "essence" of the original substance is all that is left after the dilution and succussion and this energy is what is thought to be responsible for the effects. I had to wait a few days to take it because coffee renders this particular remedy ineffective (and lately I'd been craving it more and more). I just took the 20+ tiny pellets last night...to be continued...
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If baby doesn't turn after all this, I may have to start playing this classic 80s hit on repeat over his or her sweet little head...maybe then Baby G will get the hint!
I didn't bother to get many more details than that because really we were there for more serious matters...I had some contractions and was spotting and dilating a little early so they had sent us there to make sure that the placenta and the cord looked good, which fortunately they did. It took a day or so for the breech-ness to really set in.
The midwife suggested "Moxibustion" so I consulted a family friend and acupuncturist for mugwort- a special kind of Chinese herb that has been known to turn breech babies when burned close to your pinky toes or acupuncture point UB67 (just on the edge of the pinky toe nails). She was kind enough to give me a treatment for free...not only that but she gave me acupuncture in the traditional sense with a needle too (ouch! that kinda hurt!). At the end of the session, she gave me the rest of the smokeless "moxa" stick to use at home. At first Brian and I had to do it together because I couldn't quite figure out how to hold the stick so close to my pinky toe (let's be honest it is a challenge to simply get socks on at this point!). But then I found a creative way to do it myself and stimulate both feet at once:
I did this for 20 minutes at least once a day for 10 days. The baby moved around a lot every time I did it which I took as a good sign. Sometimes I would also listen to a hypnotherapy track on turning breech babies simultaneously. Surely, the combination of efforts would be better than just one method alone?
Despite this, day after day it still seemed that Baby G was not budging from that same comfy spot.
I also tried the infamous "breech tilt":
The purpose of this exercise I'm told is to get the baby's presenting part (in case of a breech baby- the baby's bottom) to "float" again and then hopefully the baby will decide that there is a better position to be in. This exercise is supposed to be done 3 times per day for 20 minutes each time. They simply tell you to prop yourself up on an ironing board against a stable surface and lay on it upside down. Sounds pretty simple right? Oh so very wrong. They must have forgotten that they are suggesting this to PREGNANT women! The first time I tried it with supervision and still almost killed myself trying to get on the damn thing! And then just when I thought I was on it, I started sliding right down...Brian had to prop some pillows under my head before I was off the board entirely. And even still, once there, all I did was cling on it for dear life to prevent myself from sliding completely off of it. It was impossible to get in this position alone (although I did try it unsuccessfully) and with Brian and I working opposite shifts the past few weeks it was practically impossible to make it work. I added a cold pack on top of the baby's head because supposedly the baby will turn away from the cold...but this child must have Brian's DNA because he or she did not seem to move one inch! But 3 times per day? There is just not enough time in a day...
I'd been seeing a chiropractor for the Webster technique since I was around 23 weeks pregnant and having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions due to tight pelvic ligaments. The Webster technique is an adjustment of the pelvis that opens up the pelvis to promote optimal fetal positioning. I hadn't been religious about going until I realized the baby was breech. Last week, my regular chiropractor wasn't there so I saw his parents and they kindly let me borrow this inversion table to try at home:
It looks scary but actually it is so much safer than the ironing board thing. They helped me set it up appropriate for my height and there is a strap underneath that when tightened will only let you go back so far; in my case 30 degrees. I've had more success with this and have found that I can actually somewhat relax in this position (unlike holding onto the unstable ironing board). At best, I can get in it once a day...but baby still has yet to turn around.
So then I consulted a homeopath for the homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla which is well known in pregnancy for promoting optimal fetal positioning through relaxation and softening of the pelvis and uterus. Homeopathic remedies are medicines prepared by special pharmacies utilizing a careful process of dilution and succussion (vigorous shaking). The more dilute the dose, the more "potent" the remedy. Homeopathy dates back to Hippocrates, but became more popular when a German physician, Samuel Hahnemann, began experimenting on himself and volunteers and started writing some of the first textbooks on the subject. The "essence" of the original substance is all that is left after the dilution and succussion and this energy is what is thought to be responsible for the effects. I had to wait a few days to take it because coffee renders this particular remedy ineffective (and lately I'd been craving it more and more). I just took the 20+ tiny pellets last night...to be continued...
If baby doesn't turn after all this, I may have to start playing this classic 80s hit on repeat over his or her sweet little head...maybe then Baby G will get the hint!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Our Pregnancy with Baby G
In retrospect, my first clue that I could be pregnant was after taking a "staycation" last August when Brian and I decided to go up to Hershey PA to ride the roller-coasters. I had been looking forward to it for weeks- it seemed like I hadn't been on a roller coaster in forever! We waited for hours in line just to get on one roller coaster...our only respite from the unbearable heat was when we would turn a bend in the line (that stretched for what seemed like miles) and be positioned directly in front of the fans they had so generously set up for us. The ride itself lasted no more than 1 minute but its after effects lingered with me all day. I could barely compose myself afterwards...feeling so nauseous and off kilter that even the thought of another ride was out of the question. We spent the rest of the day walking around the crowded park in the height of the summer heat (not riding rides) and trying to find other ways to entertain ourselves...like sending this photo to my mom:
then I just HAD to have a ridiculously messy s'mores as we were leaving...getting sticky marshmallow and chocolate all over myself. It was heaven. I won't willingly share the photographic evidence but I'm sure Brian will upon request. At the end of the day, I guess I just figured I must be getting old if I don't like roller coasters anymore...
And then there was the infamous Trader Joe's Channa Masala:
I had had this delectable frozen meal before and remembered it fondly. However, after Friday August 16, 2013, mark my words: I will never eat it again. After eating dinner with the rest of the nurses at work around 1 AM, I literally felt like I was going to die. My palms were clammy, my whole body felt hot and I felt severe waves of nausea wash over me as I tried desperately to care for my 3 tiny patients. Could I have food poisoning I wondered?? Approximately every 7-13 minutes I found myself running to the bathroom only to stare helplessly into the toilet and wonder why on God's green earth do we have such an AWFUL smelling air freshener in here?? One that I had never even noticed before until tonight! The nurses were starting to notice and ask about my frequent bathroom breaks. Around 6 AM, I surrendered with the sunrise when the giant orange fireball ascended above the Philadelphia skyline in the distance off of our 6th floor neonatal unit. I resorted to asking a coworker to feed one of my patients for me...out of pure fear that I would be the one needing the burp cloth! I felt awful the entire drive home but was motivated by making it to my own bathroom...never in my life did it feel so good to finally puke :(
And then when I woke up later that day there was this:
Brian was ecstatic to hear the news! His sister Kate was visiting with us from California and I wanted to tell her so bad but we decided to wait. We hosted a big family barbecue that weekend and I felt so sneaky drinking white grape juice (diluted with water to exactly match the Moscado everyone else was enjoying) out of a wine glass...
The nausea came and went with that one single incident. I should have felt relieved to be spared this horrific pregnancy rite of passage but instead I found that the lack of symptoms made me constantly wonder if I really was pregnant...? So I measured my basal body temperature for entirely too long (approximately 8 weeks) and every time I saw a dip I wondered if everything was still ok?
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Nevermind the fact that this method is really only intended to be used up to that very first pregnancy test. Or the fact that it is deemed unreliable when you wake up at all different times of day (as I do working night shift)...it still felt good to measure SOMEthing...and let's be honest, pregnancy tests were getting expensive!
Doubt set in with those last two...did you happen to notice that the test line is much darker than the control line? Well this unexpected result prompted a phone call to the FirstResponse customer service hotline. The woman kindly informed me that my hcg levels must be very high because higher hcg levels suck up all the pink dye from the test leaving very little left for the control line...ahh...relief...maybe I really am pregnant after all?
Still to be sure, I should probably get a blood test or better yet, multiple blood tests:
- August 20, 2013: HCG 354, Progesterone 20.8 = pregnant
- August 23, 2013: HCG 1201 = pregnant
- Conclusion = All tests point to pregnant
But I still don't FEEL pregnant yet!
Where was all the morning sickness they promised? The fatigue that made you fall asleep at the wheel? The breast tenderness that was supposedly so exquisite that I could look forward to even showering being painful? All I seemed to have was bloating which as far as I could tell was just a symptom of PMS.
"Am I REALLY pregnant Brian?" I would ask..."Yes babe, there's a baby in there" he would dutifully respond upwards of four times per day.
And then finally, after what seemed like forever (but in actuality it had only been 20 days) September 5 2013 rolled around- Ultrasound day. Just the kind of confirmation a nurse like me needs. Not only was there a so called "baby" in there (although at this stage it kinda looked more like a tiny snowman), but it had a tiny little beating heart already too! That snowy flickering flutter on the grainy ultrasound screen in that dark sterile smelling exam room was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! What an exciting day and such a sigh of relief. Baby G is due April 30, 2014 they informed us :) The tears came as we walked out of the office...I guess I really am pregnant!
So now that I knew there was a heartbeat I wanted to be able to hear it at home. After all I was practically 8 weeks pregnant and these things are supposed to work by around 10-12 weeks. So the online research began...which dopplers worked the earliest? I had them narrowed down and finally decided on this one:
I waited patiently for that doppler to come and was 8 3/7 when it did arrive. I thought for sure I would be able to find that tiny heart, after all I am a trained women's health nurse practitioner! Well guess what, no heartbeat could be found- except of course my own which was practically beating as fast as I would have expected the baby's to be! Day after day I tried. Ok, well I resisted trying EVERY day, maybe it was more like every THIRD day because I didn't want the baby to be exposed to too many unnecessary sound waves. And then finally that oh-so-sweet swooshing sound resonated through the scratchy speaker at 9 weeks and 5 days. Registering right where it should be around 150s-160s range :) Of course Brian wasn't home for the occasion so I had to capture the glorious sound for him to listen to in his hotel room in Denver while traveling with the Eagles..."Hi Baby!!!"
Our next ultrasound was the sequential screen at 12 weeks. Our appointment was scheduled for October 17, 2013 and we planned to share the good news with our family that day- provided that all went well. Baby G was somewhat uncooperative with the ultrasound technician- refusing to turn to the side so she could take some measurements. Brian and I didn't mind the delay and getting some extra time to watch the baby on the screen...it was so crazy to see the little guy (or girl) bouncing around and trying to suck on his (or her) hands...Guess there really IS a baby in there after all?! And it actually kinda looks like a baby now (and less like a snowman). All I could feel was the gel and the pressure of the ultrasound probe but I was completely oblivious to the baby's acrobatics...Here are some of our favorite shots:
Now it was time to tell the parents...Brian's parents took us out to dinner at an Indian restaurant. It took them a minute to get our clues but eventually it sunk in :)
And then we stopped over my parents house after dinner...my mom had wanted to bake a cake for us and my dad and sister insisted she was being ridiculous- just because we were stopping over didn't warrant a cake...it wasn't like it was a special occasion or anything...?
And so then after that my mom did bake the cake. And it was delicious. I think I had 2 pieces, after all I'm eating for 2 aren't I?
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