In retrospect, my first clue that I could be pregnant was after taking a "staycation" last August when Brian and I decided to go up to Hershey PA to ride the roller-coasters. I had been looking forward to it for weeks- it seemed like I hadn't been on a roller coaster in forever! We waited for hours in line just to get on one roller coaster...our only respite from the unbearable heat was when we would turn a bend in the line (that stretched for what seemed like miles) and be positioned directly in front of the fans they had so generously set up for us. The ride itself lasted no more than 1 minute but its after effects lingered with me all day. I could barely compose myself afterwards...feeling so nauseous and off kilter that even the thought of another ride was out of the question. We spent the rest of the day walking around the crowded park in the height of the summer heat (not riding rides) and trying to find other ways to entertain ourselves...like sending this photo to my mom:
then I just HAD to have a ridiculously messy s'mores as we were leaving...getting sticky marshmallow and chocolate all over myself. It was heaven. I won't willingly share the photographic evidence but I'm sure Brian will upon request. At the end of the day, I guess I just figured I must be getting old if I don't like roller coasters anymore...
And then there was the infamous Trader Joe's Channa Masala:
I had had this delectable frozen meal before and remembered it fondly. However, after Friday August 16, 2013, mark my words: I will never eat it again. After eating dinner with the rest of the nurses at work around 1 AM, I literally felt like I was going to die. My palms were clammy, my whole body felt hot and I felt severe waves of nausea wash over me as I tried desperately to care for my 3 tiny patients. Could I have food poisoning I wondered?? Approximately every 7-13 minutes I found myself running to the bathroom only to stare helplessly into the toilet and wonder why on God's green earth do we have such an AWFUL smelling air freshener in here?? One that I had never even noticed before until tonight! The nurses were starting to notice and ask about my frequent bathroom breaks. Around 6 AM, I surrendered with the sunrise when the giant orange fireball ascended above the Philadelphia skyline in the distance off of our 6th floor neonatal unit. I resorted to asking a coworker to feed one of my patients for me...out of pure fear that I would be the one needing the burp cloth! I felt awful the entire drive home but was motivated by making it to my own bathroom...never in my life did it feel so good to finally puke :(
And then when I woke up later that day there was this:
Brian was ecstatic to hear the news! His sister Kate was visiting with us from California and I wanted to tell her so bad but we decided to wait. We hosted a big family barbecue that weekend and I felt so sneaky drinking white grape juice (diluted with water to exactly match the Moscado everyone else was enjoying) out of a wine glass...
The nausea came and went with that one single incident. I should have felt relieved to be spared this horrific pregnancy rite of passage but instead I found that the lack of symptoms made me constantly wonder if I really was pregnant...? So I measured my basal body temperature for entirely too long (approximately 8 weeks) and every time I saw a dip I wondered if everything was still ok?
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Nevermind the fact that this method is really only intended to be used up to that very first pregnancy test. Or the fact that it is deemed unreliable when you wake up at all different times of day (as I do working night shift)...it still felt good to measure SOMEthing...and let's be honest, pregnancy tests were getting expensive!
Doubt set in with those last two...did you happen to notice that the test line is much darker than the control line? Well this unexpected result prompted a phone call to the FirstResponse customer service hotline. The woman kindly informed me that my hcg levels must be very high because higher hcg levels suck up all the pink dye from the test leaving very little left for the control line...ahh...relief...maybe I really am pregnant after all?
Still to be sure, I should probably get a blood test or better yet, multiple blood tests:
- August 20, 2013: HCG 354, Progesterone 20.8 = pregnant
- August 23, 2013: HCG 1201 = pregnant
- Conclusion = All tests point to pregnant
But I still don't FEEL pregnant yet!
Where was all the morning sickness they promised? The fatigue that made you fall asleep at the wheel? The breast tenderness that was supposedly so exquisite that I could look forward to even showering being painful? All I seemed to have was bloating which as far as I could tell was just a symptom of PMS.
"Am I REALLY pregnant Brian?" I would ask..."Yes babe, there's a baby in there" he would dutifully respond upwards of four times per day.
And then finally, after what seemed like forever (but in actuality it had only been 20 days) September 5 2013 rolled around- Ultrasound day. Just the kind of confirmation a nurse like me needs. Not only was there a so called "baby" in there (although at this stage it kinda looked more like a tiny snowman), but it had a tiny little beating heart already too! That snowy flickering flutter on the grainy ultrasound screen in that dark sterile smelling exam room was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! What an exciting day and such a sigh of relief. Baby G is due April 30, 2014 they informed us :) The tears came as we walked out of the office...I guess I really am pregnant!
So now that I knew there was a heartbeat I wanted to be able to hear it at home. After all I was practically 8 weeks pregnant and these things are supposed to work by around 10-12 weeks. So the online research began...which dopplers worked the earliest? I had them narrowed down and finally decided on this one:
I waited patiently for that doppler to come and was 8 3/7 when it did arrive. I thought for sure I would be able to find that tiny heart, after all I am a trained women's health nurse practitioner! Well guess what, no heartbeat could be found- except of course my own which was practically beating as fast as I would have expected the baby's to be! Day after day I tried. Ok, well I resisted trying EVERY day, maybe it was more like every THIRD day because I didn't want the baby to be exposed to too many unnecessary sound waves. And then finally that oh-so-sweet swooshing sound resonated through the scratchy speaker at 9 weeks and 5 days. Registering right where it should be around 150s-160s range :) Of course Brian wasn't home for the occasion so I had to capture the glorious sound for him to listen to in his hotel room in Denver while traveling with the Eagles..."Hi Baby!!!"
Our next ultrasound was the sequential screen at 12 weeks. Our appointment was scheduled for October 17, 2013 and we planned to share the good news with our family that day- provided that all went well. Baby G was somewhat uncooperative with the ultrasound technician- refusing to turn to the side so she could take some measurements. Brian and I didn't mind the delay and getting some extra time to watch the baby on the screen...it was so crazy to see the little guy (or girl) bouncing around and trying to suck on his (or her) hands...Guess there really IS a baby in there after all?! And it actually kinda looks like a baby now (and less like a snowman). All I could feel was the gel and the pressure of the ultrasound probe but I was completely oblivious to the baby's acrobatics...Here are some of our favorite shots:
Now it was time to tell the parents...Brian's parents took us out to dinner at an Indian restaurant. It took them a minute to get our clues but eventually it sunk in :)
And then we stopped over my parents house after dinner...my mom had wanted to bake a cake for us and my dad and sister insisted she was being ridiculous- just because we were stopping over didn't warrant a cake...it wasn't like it was a special occasion or anything...?
And so then after that my mom did bake the cake. And it was delicious. I think I had 2 pieces, after all I'm eating for 2 aren't I?
